Sexual Techniques and the Marriage Bed
If you are a newlywed and you are wondering how to establish healthy physical intimacy with your new spouse- or even if you have been married for a while, but are looking to re-establish or re-kindle that physical union—you may be wondering what sex techniques will create passionate, happy and healthy sex life together.
As Christians there is a lot of confusion over the marriage bed and our God-given sexuality.
Because of the distortion of sex in the media and the perversion of sex outside of marriage, husbands and wives are afraid of freely expression themselves in the marriage bed. Male sexuality especially and having a high or active sex drive has been villainised and considered less than sanctified.
The truth however is that, within a marriage, a vibrant sex drive and the physical enjoyment of one another is a blessing and gift from Almighty God.
So what sexual techniques promote freedom and healthy enjoyment within the marriage bed?
It is important to remember there is no one secret trick or one special sex position that is right or wrong. It is up to each husband and wife to find out what works for the one that they love. Husbands and wives should feel free to communicate about their desires and wishes, like and dislikes. Husbands, feel free to ask your wife what would pleasure her.
The only way to know her secret pleasure is to ask. Also feel free to say to her “It would pleasure me, if you did xyz…” and fill in your secret desire. Often husbands and wives may feel embarrassed to be open about desires and wishes in bed. Yet, although open communication may not seem like a tool to be included in your collection of sexual techniques, truly it is as much a part of success in the marriage bed as touches and caresses. In The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love, the co-authors, husband and wife, Tim and Beverly LaHaye also agree that communication is essential to a healthy sexual relationship between husbands and wife. On page 131, they state “We have found that open communication between an husband and wife remains the best possible sex education.”
The second of sexual techniques after open communication is freedom in physical expression.
Husbands and wives may feel constrained about “what is okay” to do in bed. Kissing anywhere other than the mouth, or exploring any sex position other than “missionary” may seem off limits. Yet, the truth is as long as it is something the husband and wife both desire, anything touch or position is desirable. In Song of Solomon we see that the lovers are unashamed to openly kiss and explore each other’s bodies and in any way that delights them. In Song of Songs, chapter 7, verses 7 thru the first section of verse 9, Solomon says “Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.” And the Shulammite, his wife, responds in the latter part of verse 9, “May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth.”
In other verses of Song of Songs, Solomon again metaphorically refers to kissing his wife’s body by saying “I have come into my garden….I have drunk my wine”. (chapter 5:1) From these verses we can see that touching and kisses every and any area of the body for a husband and wife is acceptable and desirable. Tim LaHaye, co-author of The Act of Marriage and also founder of Family Life Seminars, writes, “When properly prepared, a women’s entire body become sensitive to his [a wise husband’s] touch, and he can develop great personal enjoyment by watching her respond to his tender caressing.” (pg. 338).
A healthy sex life together can create intimacy in a marriage in unique ways like no other activity together can do.
This is why we've partnered with Robert Irwin, author of Sexual Fun & Games for Christian Couples.
With these sexual techniques – and open communication and freedom in physical expression—any husband and wife can achieve a vibrant and healthy sexual relationship with one and another.
Click here to learn how the art of lovemaking will be a source of joy and contentment in your relationship.
Try expressing your sexual desires to your husband or wife today and begin a lifelong pursuit of a healthy intimate marriage!
Learn other Techniques and helpful ideas that will enhance your Sexual Relationship
Read more of our Christian Marriage Books